Sunday, 18 August, 2019

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The Block 2019 episode 5 recap: Jesse gets what’s coming to him


Well that’s a rap. A bad one.

Comedian Andy opened the episode by rapping about some of his fellow contestants. While his musical stylings may have the seal of approval from his ever-smiling wife Deb, I doubt he will be giving Eminem a run for his money any time soon.

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Thankfully Andy has a day job, and, for the moment, that involves renovating St Kilda’s Oslo hotel.

And, finally, that work is paying off to the tune of $10,000. Deb and Andy’s earthy guest bathroom won — by half a point — over Mitch and Mark’s lavish marble palace with a remote-controlled toilet.

Mark and Mitch’s builders give new meaning to the word high-vis.

It was a shame for Mitch and Mark, who were utterly gracious in defeat, even though they could’ve used an injection of cash after blowing their budget in the first week with their OTT aesthetic.

As we have seen, the duo’s fun-loving spirit and glamorous style isn’t just contained to their reno work. And it has started rubbing off on their tradesmen who fronted up in feather boas, wigs and tulle skirts to mark Mardi Gras which was taking place while Sydneysiders Mark and Mitch were hard at work on their bathroom.

Their hard work paid off with the judges who were more wowed by their en suite than they had been by their over-styled bedroom earlier in the week.

Judges Shaynna, Neale and Darren inside the great tomb of Jesse and Mel.

It was a different story for El’ise and Matt whose bathroom was a lacklustre follow-up to the unfinished bedroom that the judges had felt showed lots of promise.

Likewise, Tess and Luke’s dreams of a win were flushed down the drain yet again after they failed to finish their room for the second time running.

Ironically, judge Shaynna Blaze felt Tess and Luke’s styling was undercooked and urged them to add “an emotional layer” to their bathroom. Little did Shaynna know that emotion was something Tess had brought to her room in spades.

Deb and Andy’s earthy guest bathroom won by half a point.

The couple paid a heavy price for Tess firing their tiler in a fit of rage because he had refused to commit to a pre-dawn job start. Instead of having a tardy tiler, the team found themselves with no tiler at all.

Of course, Tess wasn’t about to take responsibility for her costly tanty. She instead blamed laid-back Luke for failing to take charge. She also lashed out at her builder, asking him to explain why they had fallen behind again. The answer was clear to everyone except Tess that it was her impatience that was giving everyone headaches.

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It’s only when Tess tried a new approach — charm — that their bathroom got back on track. All she had to do was bat her eyes and compliment some of Andy and Deb’s tradies on their muscly legs and she was able to convince them to work on her bathroom once they’d done the winning team’s room. Sadly, it was too late in the game for the job to get finished.

Mark and Mitch were tantalisingly close in second place.

Jesse and Mel also stumbled at the en suite hurdle, despite having the so-called secret weapon of Jesse being a qualified and covert tiler.

The king of spin, Jesse, took a typically overly confident approach to the negative feedback his unfinished bathroom received from judge Neil Whitaker.

Neale deadpanned that the room looked like a grey tomb.

“Only the kings of Egypt are buried in tombs so, if our en suite is fit for a Pharaoh then I think it’s fit for a buyer in St Kilda,” Jesse retorted.

Jesse was a little less cocky when Andy and Deb won the room reveal after he had slagged off the couple’s style while boasting about his own efforts.

Whatever you think of Jesse’s big noting, you’ve got to admire his confidence. Even when confronted by a steady stream of disasters (a dodgy drain, a shoddy floor, missing tiles) Jesse refused to accept that defeat was looming. Instead he cavorted around the building site performing a spot of MC Hammer’s Can’t Touch This. Perhaps he and Andy should team up to become a rap duo when the show wraps?

MISSED AN EPISODE?

Ep 3 & 4: What’s got Scotty Cam so mad?

Ep 2 recap: Tears and fights start early

Ep 1 recap: Most shocking thing about this year’s Block

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